24

I went on a personal retreat this past week.

My intention was for 48 hours of silence, solitude & fasting. However, I considered not going at all as I battled the flu, but still I went. When I woke up on the first morning there was 4 inches of snow on the ground. I was a 20 minute walk down a hill, over a river and up another hill to my car with bad tires. I chose to split having been satisfied that I had met with God.

I'll spare you all the details (you can drop me a line if you want to hear more).

What did God say to me over that period of time?

There is a common theme running through my life right now: living my spiritual life from my heart.

Nouwen was my spiritual director for the day - these are the things God spoke to me through his words:

By being awake to God in us we can increasingly see God in the world around us.
Meditation is the discipline by which we let the word of God become a word for us and anchor itself in the center of our being, as well as the wellspring of our actions.
The more we let the events of Christ's life inform and form us, the more we will be able to connect our own daily stories with the great story of God's presence in our lives.

Again, I won't go into details just to say that I've been looking at life as a puzzle to be solved and getting frustrated in the meantime. I've neglected to see life as a quest with Jesus as my friend & guide.

Nouwen kicked me in the pants:

A spiritual life doesn't necessarily lead to tranquillity, to peace, or to a beautiful feeling about ourselves or about how nice it is to be together with others. The chipping-away process can hurt. It might mean being lonely in a place where you never wanted to go. It might lead you to a vocation you never sought. It might ask you to do uncomfortable things. Or it might ask you to obediently and routinely do comfortable things that are not very dramatic when you prefer adventure. The spiritual truth is that God is at work in each of us and in our communities and families. Often, the companionship of trusted friends allows us to see how God is at work. We can't always see God's activity by ourselves.

My goals have been out of whack.

"Jesus doesn't call you to be successful, but to be faithful." ~Mother Teresa

What I needed to hear most was:

I am God's beloved, with me He is well pleased.

Nouwen says:

God's words "You are my Beloved" reveal the most intimate truth about all human beings, whether they belong to any particular tradition or not. The ultimate spiritual temptation is to doubt this fundamental truth about ourselves and trust in alternative identities.

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that declares we are loved.

From the moment we claim the truth of being the Beloved, we are faced with the call to become who we are.

Becoming the Beloved means letting the truth of our Belovedness become enfleshed in everything we think, say or do.

It was a good 24 hours, one that will be repeated again!